Ben CarrOZZA is a liar and a ​cheat who manipulates and ​endANGERS women

This is a public service announcement to warn/ protect women

This is info gathered from five women who connected with Ben and discovered his 13+ year web of lies, cheating, and mistreatment of a woman in a workplace.

And we have all the receipts/proof.

The document is to offer information in the public interest and share honestly held beliefs.

Sincere apologies to those who think they know him and care

for him. This may be a rude awakening.

Send US an email

This is Ben’s dating profile which is active as of April 14th, 2023 and makes no mention of him being in a relationship (as it didn't at any point in 2021/2022 when he was in one). The screen shots were taken by a women he'd met a while ago who was still connected to him on Bumble. After Ben was sent this document, and denied having an active account - he vanished from this woman's Bumble.

The picture you see in his dating profile was taken from a couples photoshoot at Monograph on Bloor (links available upon request) which is time stamped as June 3rd, 2022. So this profile was updated after June third.

He's s also 50 here so this profile has been up since he turned 50 on Sept 2nd, 2022. Additionally you can tell it's really Ben because it has a blue star meaning it's verified - which Bumble does by making the subject submit a live photo of themselves in a pose chosen randomly by the site.

He's probably using Incognito aka cheater mode. Check those credit card and paypal statements!. Bumble, however has a one time lifetime membership so it could be that and that's would be on Apple Pay.

Ben's Greatest Hits

• Ben is a habitual liar and long time cheater. In his personal life, he deceives women and potentially exposes them to disease.
  
• Ben shares stories of his late partner's death (Brenda) and has on a number of occasions used tales of grief to manipulate women who are also grieving. Women he told he was single when he was no.
  
• To some women he claims Brenda was emotionally and physically abusive, but told none of their mutual friends of the abuse. He claimed the gravity of it only really dawned on him in winter/spring of 2021 yet Ben had used a similar line to justify his cheating on Brenda to Christie nearly a decade before.
  
• Though Ben claims to some that Brenda was horrible and abusive, to others Ben claims his “overwhelming” grief kept him celibate since Brenda’s death. Ben uses this lie to dupe them into unprotected sex, thinking that is it safe. .Of course, this is another dangerous lie as he had a long term “monogamous” partner (Buffy) from October 2020-End of July 2022. (he insisted on monogamy; she has a long history of “open relationships” but consented to monogamy as he said it was important to him.)
  
• Arguably, this deception nullifies consent as consent was achieved via fraud.
  
• When his last girlfriend B. suspected he might be cheating and asked him, he told her he was suicidal to shut down her suspicions. (He was seeing at least two women then and pretending to see his friends or parents when he was actually on dates.)
  

• Professionally, when a woman he worked with at Microsoft lost interest in him, and he became her editor, she believes he punished her professionally by cutting back her fees and eventually pushed her out.
  

• On July 24/2022 Ben ghosted and blocked his partner after nearly two years and left her homeless. She spent over six months trying to get her things back (patio furniture, rugs, mattress, airfryer, Vitamix, exercise equipment, Ipad, etc). Only after she called Toronto Police Services police in Jan 2023 for a "Get Belongings Escort" to come to the condo with two armed and uniformed officers did Ben make an effort to return the last of it. (NB: Ben still has some of her things, including sentimental items). He was releasing the items in small doses so his new girlfriend would not know he had another girlfriend when they met and they he’d ghosted her and left her homeless and without all her things‹
  

Click to hear about Ben as a workplace villain as well

Ben books a ticket to come stay with Buffy but also keeps chatting with ERT online and continues to see Sarah and talk about how he is smitten and is keen to get back from BC and see her. Ben is telling Buffy how much he loves her and he should be able to join her by April.

Jan 2021

Sarah has noticed comments by a woman on Ben's FB page and follows them to her Instagram where she find photos of Ben and Buffy in BC. He offers a lame apology and vanishes. Meanwhile, just after Ben returns he begins to sleep with ET, using the "celibate and grieving " ploy to have unprotected sex. Neither Buffy nor ERT is aware of the other

Feb 2022

As Ben is sometimes hard to reach, Buffy confronts him and asks if he's seeing someone else. He tells her no, and that he's hard to reach because he's been very depressed and suicidal. A very concerned Buffy plans to come back in a few weeks to help him.

B

Feb /March 2022

Buffy returns to Toronto and moves back in with Ben. Ben ghosts ERT When ERT confronts him Ben says he's still too overwhelmed with grief to be fully engaged but he really likes her. He vanishes till March 2022 when he casually messages her with more fake excuses or his behaviour, saying he is

April 2021

April 2022

Buffy finds condoms and a woman's round silver earring in the Jeep. Ben again denies he's seeing someone. He says the condoms are theirs from way back and the earring was found in a park by Brenda. The earring does not belong to either Sarah or ERT - neither of whom Ben is seeing at this time.

Buffy plans to visit her elderly dad and asks Ben to quarantine before she goes - he says yes but goes out for long walks and doesn’t answer his phone on them. Several days after she returns Ben tests positive for COVID. Buffy tests positive four days later. Ben claims he doesn't know where he got it. Buffy sadly has long COVID.

May 2022

Buffy moves the rest of her things into Ben's condo . Given past shady experiences with people she met online, Buffy confirms with Ben that he still wants to move to BC.with her. He says yes. Buffy's subletter is in the apartment till October and with Ben's full knowledge, Buffy gives notice on her apartment. She has no other place to live now.

May 2022

June 3-6 2022.

Ben is often hard to reach and says he's out with Dom or Dave or Justine or Christine or playing D and D, at his Parents. He's never spent this much time with his parents or his friends before. A nervous Buffy again questions him. He denies cheating, affirms he loves her, wants to be with her and cites depression and the cause of his odd behaviour. Says he'll be a better partner.

Concerned about Ben's absentee behaviour, Buffy confronts him. Ben says he is not cheating or lying. He's just overwhelmed with work. They agree to talk about it when he's back from Florida. He claims to buy tickets to go NS in August for Buffy's dad's 90th birthday.

July 13 , 2022

Ben ghosts Buffy and blocks her on his phone, Insta, FB, and Linkedin. He never speaks to her again. She is now effectively homeless.

July 20-25, 2022

August 7, 2022: Through an intermediary, Ben has arranged for Buffy to come pick up some of her things (not all as she has no home to put them in) . When she arrives, she notes a bouquet of wilted flowers that are not in Ben's style, women's pyjamas-like clothes seemingly on display, (Miami Vice T-shirt/Grey leggings, ) women's sunglasses with gold arms and a extra toothbrush. This is how Buffy learns Ben was indeed cheating on her. Only in March 2023 does she learn he was telling women he was celibate from grief and using this to trick women into unprotected sex

Kim meets Ben and has brief relationship - just fooling around. She meets someone else, moves on and soon after when Ben become her boss, he systematically punishes hers and pushes her out of the company

2008

Christie meets Ben and begins relationship with him, not knowing he has a long time partner - Brenda. When Brenda confronts her, Christie is horrified and Ben says Brenda is abusive and blames her for the affair. Ben then casts Christie as a crazy baby trap to Buffy.

2013

Tragically, Brenda dies of cancer.

July 2020

Ben and Buffy meet on Tinder and begin to date very seriously, very quickly. He tells her of childhood trauma after the first date, of Brenda 's death after the third. Buffy feels like she has to help this broken man. Buffy is headed to Tofino for the winter to a friend cottage. They discuss Ben joining her for Xmas.

October /Nov 2020

Dec 21, 2020

Ben tells B. that his deceased partner was emotionally abusive and he has self esteem problems as a result. B. tries to build him up. By March he is claiming Brenda was physically abusive. Ben claims his therapist said that cheating on Brenda was eroticized rage. (Remember that ) Ben says he has serious self esteem issues as a result and Buffy works very hard to help him. She gets him to workout to deal with anxiety, tries to get him to meditate, used EFT tapping methods with him, and introduces him to "The Body Keep the Score. "

Ben and Buffy decide to move to BC together in the Fall or Christmas; a fresh start. He talks to his old real estate agent about renting out the condo. He talks about selling the jeep to his Dad. Buffy is surprised when his dad buys a new jeep.

March 2021

B. returns to Toronto, moves in with Ben, and lets a refugee with no income or access to CERB live in her apartment.

April 16th 2021

Beautiful Loula has a brain tumor . Ben yells at her as she is dying in Buffy's arms . Ben's uncontrolled anger frightens her.

June 2021

Ben meets Sarah on Bumble. Sarah is out of a bad relationship with a deceptive married man and thus is very wary. Ben assures her that he is single. They begin to date. Ben says he has been grieving and celibate since Brenda died and thus it's safe to have unprotected sex with him 'Sarah has no idea about Buffy nor Buffy about Sarah. Covid is rising and Ben tells Sarah they are bubbled. His Immunocompromised girlfriend Buffy believes the same and is super careful as she fears Covid will kill her or her 89 year old father.

November 2021

Buffy sublets her apartment, and Ben says his old realtor has found him a subletter for the condo and they book flights to BC. On the way to the airport Ben unexpectedly says he has to stay for work but will meet her after the holidays. Buffy is shocked but remains supportive .

Dec 13 2021

While Ben is telling Sarah how smitten he is with her and wants to take this new relationship slowly and seriously, he starts chatting to ET on Bumble. ET lost a partner during the pandemic and she bonds with Ben over that. Ben again says he has been gripped by grief and has been celibate since Brenda died. No mention of Buffy or Sarah. At this time Ben is also telling Buffy. he will join her very soon, and he misses her very much.

Dec 2021

It seems Ben has a lot of rage, specifically rage toward women he is intimate with.

Women he eventually devalues, vilifies and punishes. Sometimes he does this through having affairs, sometimes through deception. Sometimes by potentially exposing them to sexually transmitted diseases or Covid. Or he just ghosts. Or all of the above.

Consider S. whom he dated behind Buffy's back (November 2021-Feb-2022). Sarah had unknowingly been dating a married man and was crushed when she found out. She met Ben on Bumble and he said he was indeed single and, as he often does, says he's not like those other men.

Sadly such proclamations are often evidence that the speaker is as bad as those they're condemning. A good man doesn't need to tell you he's a good man - he shows it. Unlike Ben ---- who told Sarah that he'd been celibate since Brenda's death and thus it was safe to have unprotected sex with him.

Consider these exchanges between S. and Ben, which were sent just two weeks after Ben and Buffy were supposed to have left for BC. After they had been together over a year and had lived together and they were planning moving to BC together..

*He was not on meds then. Another lie.

Gets worse: these are S’s screengrabs of Ben's massage to her about going to BC - where he was coming to see Buffy

Note date: Ben staying with me in Tofino in Feb 2022

Sarah asks Ben about hatching a surprise move across continent which he dismisses. He’d been playing to move there for buffy for just under a year,

In time, S. noticed a woman kept commenting on Ben's FB page. She followed the trail and discovered Buffy's Instagram account and via the video posted below, realized that allegedly Nice Guy Ben was in a long term relationship with Buffy and was a cheater and a manipulator. When S. confronted him, Ben sent her a tepid excuse and vanished.(posted to the right). And when Buffy noticed she could not see Ben's Insta anymore - he said it must be a glitch. He was blocking her so no one would be able to see he had a girlfriend.

ERT's copy of Ben's text to her after she called him out for ghosting (when Buffy returned to Toronto. for two months. She called hm Tofino as well, he was headed to Tofino and mentioned it a lot. Just not his girlfriend there.

A photo Ben sent to both Buffy and Sarah

After finding out about Sarah and ERT in March of 2023 Buffy dug deep to remember all she could about the woman Ben said he'd cheated on Brenda with . She didn't have much to go on - just a first name. But she found her. And Christie's story was very different than Ben's.

When Brenda found out that Ben was having an affair turned her anger at Brenda, Ben first claimed Brenda had abused him to justify his shoddy behaviour . Ben later acted like it was Christie’s fault and acted like she was crazy.

He told Buffy Christie was a poseur gamer, a baby trapper and a pathological liar. He also suggested Christie KNEW he was in a relationship. Which is patently untrue. His lies stretch back years.

Kim (her story heard earlier) had worked with Ben at Microsoft and they fooled around a few times when Kim was visiting from Vancouver. She went travelling and found someone else and discovered that when Ben was promoted - he was paying her less then the men and eventually forced her out. She felt that she was being punished for moving on and not having sex with him.

An OPEN LETTER TO Ben's wife/LOvers

You probably don’t know who I am so let me introduce myself. I’m Buffy aka Fee. I am a writer and TV director, a life-long volunteer and social advocate. I've volunteered in Haiti, Cambodia and the Middle East. I've taught journalism to underserved teens. I delivered food to the immunocompromised during the pandemic, even though i have an autoimmune disease myself. I'm far from perfect and I screw up a lot but I try to live a life that's fair and generous.

I hate writing this because I know it will hurt the women who are reading this. But it is important to tell this story. I am trying to keep other women from some of the pain I went through at the hands of my former partner, Ben.

I wish you no harm. Quite the opposite. Please know, I only wish someone had reached out and given me this info when I was with Ben so I could have been spared some of the horrors of being involved with this man.

I have exes who can vouch for me to say that I am not a vindictive or unkind person. Additionally, there are four other women who can tell stories of Ben’s lies, his dark machinations and his disregard for our safety.

Ben might be able to dismiss one of us as a crazy ex-girlfriend. But you can't dismiss five women. And counting...

Standard Ben Love bombing

April 2022/ Monography Studios I include this because I think he had told everyone we were broken up by then. Links wth time stamps available

Add a little bit of body text

This video is just to prove that I was still in a relationship with him till July 25 of 2022. I fear he told friends and family a different tale.

Notice how his phone never buzzes? That's because he silences notifications so he won't get caught messaging other women.

Note how he never leaves his phone out and when he has dinner with his parents or ramen with fam and friends——- he might be mysteriously unavailable during these times?

That's because he is NOT with them. His friends and family are unwitting pawns and accomplices.

He regularly uses his friends and family to cover up his affairs. I foolishly took him at his word. What can I say, I trusted the man who told me how much he loved me, how wonderful I was and how I was the best girlfriend and therapist rolled into one. I was helping him heal from grief and childhood trauma and later I was told, an abusive relationship with his long time partner.

When we began dating - October 2020 - just three months after Brenda died, Ben said she had also given him permission to date while she was alive so the scant three months he took to date me didn’t seem that weird. Ben said he had already dealt with a lot of the pain via "anticipatory grief" (which is a real thing - like a pre-grief.) He said he talked to his therapist about dating someone so soon after Brenda's death and they were ok with it. I took Ben at his word. I also talked to my therapist and we figured if we were open and honest it would be okay. Ben said I was the first new person he'd been with in many many years and it was exciting and also strange. I made him so happy, he said. Like he hadn't been, ever.

I had lost my beloved heart dog during the pandemic and my beloved mother in recent years and was quite locked in grief and writing a book about it when I matched with Ben on Tinder. I honestly just wanted someone to bubble with for a week so I would have company whilst watching the upcoming election. I was headed to B.C. in December so I wasn't looking for a relationship.

After our first date he told me he'd experienced dramatic trauma in his childhood. I had as well and we bonded on that. After our second date he told me he was a widower.

Ben talked to me a lot about grief and took mine seriously. He seemed so kind and empathetic and honest. He said it was so meaningful that he had met someone who wasn't afraid of his grief, who had thought about it a lot and we bonded over it. Ben said he feared his grief would scare me away and here it was, bonding us.

Ben often talked about how hard life had been to him and how low his self esteem was. I felt like he needed someone to be kind to him, to protect him. To hear him tell it, no one had ever really done that.

A

We fell into a relationship fast and he joined me when I went to Tofino in Dec 2020. A musician friend of mine has a cottage there, and she said I could use it to ride out the worst of the pandemic.

It seemed a little crazy to do this so soon after we met, but I was struggling with loneliness and grief and he was very doting and seemingly so very kind so we made the move.

So we basically moved in together within two months of meeting. Me, Ben and sweet Loula moved into a magical chalet on the beach (related, I loved Loo so deeply. I miss her daily).

When he headed out to Tofino, Ben didn’t tell people he was coming with a woman he’d met on Tinder. He said he’d eventually tell them we met out there (I never understood how people think he just had a free place to stay in Tofino, but I digress).

I believe he told people he met me in Feb 2021 and made up some lie about where he stayed when he first arrived. I thought he was doing this to protect those who loved Brenda, or dodge concerns that he’d moved on rashly.

But Ben was just serving himself.

To the woman or women he started dating last summer: Did you know Ben had a girlfriend when you met?

Probably not.

Historically he doesn’t tell the other women.

We don’t matter. Only Ben does.

On Bumble, he told women he was so devastated by Brenda’s death he had not been able to have sex, and had been completely celibate. He used this to convince these women it was safe to have unprotected sex with him. Yes I am repeating this but it merits repetition.

.

FB message from ERT to Buffy March 202

Early on Ben insisted on monogamy, even though I am not historically monogamous. But it was the pandemic and we were in Tofino so it was a moot point. So him having full on relationships behind my back and him lying to them about being single and being safe - well he could have slept with other women - I didn't care.

So this wasn’t about sex. His motivation to do this was something darker.

He told me his therapist said, when he cheated on Brenda with a woman named Christie, that this action was eroticized rage.

I didn't really understand what that meant. It seemed very sex negative so I didn't bother to pursue it. Anyway, Ben seemed so gentle.

Till he wasn’t.

I first saw his rage when driving to Niagara Falls in December 2020. I called it Car Ben. It was classic road rage but I had never seen such a thing close up and it looked ugly to me. In time I saw his angry outbursts more and more.

I saw it when he drove. Sometimes I saw him go on tirades against his dad. Ben aimed his fury at the unnamed Italian guys at Tim Horton’s. He fired it at his bestie Dave for exposing his own mum to Covid through his dating. Ben lavished hs scorn generously on the DM of his D and D group, on people who let their dog play with sticks. On folks who wore high waisted jeans. He yelled at dear sweet Loula often and I would chide him for it.

This seemed pretty fucked up to me but again, I kept thinking this was Ben dealing with grief poorly and Ben retreated to that excuse whenever I challenged him.

I certainly am in no way qualified to diagnose anyone of anything. But the lack of concern for others, the lying and manipulation. It sounds familiar.

The list of creatures who merited Ben’s rage went on and on. I mentioned this to someone and was quick to point out that his anger was never directed at me . My friend said - "um, rage isn't that selective. It will be aimed at you, eventually."

Ben and discussed this unregulated anger and thought maybe this “unregulated rage” was a part of his grieving. Especially after he told me Brenda emotionally and physically - something he claimed he'd never admitted before even to himself (March/2021).

I now know Ben used this claim of abuse as an excuse for his lying and cheating on Brenda with Christie many years before. Yet another lie.

Classic Ben.

And he maligns a dead woman in the process. How sick is that?

FB message from Christie

In hindsight, it is starting to become clear that Ben doesn't get angry. He has rage.

This so-called "eroticzed rage"in retrospect.

I wish I had investigated his “eroticized rage” when he first mentioned it. The description to your right is quite chilling.

And it feels consistent with Ben’s behavior and growing devaluing/mistreatment of me.

Just over a week later.

At first, when he wasn’t responding to my phone calls, I thought something had happened to him. I was gripped with terror. Maybe he really did kill himself. Jesus. I was out of my mind with the fear he had done something to harm himself. And then I thought, maybe there had been an accident with him or his parents.

I was so distraught and called and called and called, in tears, and hyperventilating. I left many messages.

But then I saw that the blue iphone message turned to green which let me know I had been blocked.

I looked and saw I had been blocked on Facebook, Instagram. Linkedin, even.

That's how I found out my nearly two year relationship was over.

And that I had nowhere to live.

Ben never spoke to me again.

We arranged through a third party for me to come get my stuff on August 7th (I couldn't get it all as it wasn't all there and I had nowhere to put it as I had no home.)

When I arrived I found a bunch of wilted flowers on his table. They were not the kind of flowers Ben would buy. My heart sunk. Then I found women’s sunglasses with gold arms on the side table. Then I found women’s sleeping wear neatly folded on the sofa: gray leggings and a Miami Vice shirt. I thought I might throw up. I went into the bathroom and saw another toothbrush. Not the kind that Ben uses.

That is the sadistic way Ben decided to let me know he was cheating on me. What a parting act of humiliation and cruelty. Some might say this behaviour is sociopathic.

I was furious but I grieved, moved on and doubled down on therapy. I did what I could to let go which was hard as Ben wasn't giving me my things back. My only dealings with him were through email to get the rest of my stuff - mostly through my friend. He constantly cancelled drop off dates. When questioned (through my friend, he would never consent to see me), he emailed me, claiming he’d been very sick, wasn’t able to stand up at his parents and the doctors were running blood tests. Even with all the shit he put me through, he still manipulated my empathy to cover his sins. I now realise that this process took over six months because Ben was hiding the transfer of my things to me so he would not have to answer his current girlfriend's questions about so many of his belongings disappearing.

Still I let it go. I had no trust left for humanity but I moved on. That is, till early March...

Someone recently posted a picture of Ben on a Reddit page devoted to finding out if the person you were dating or chatting with on a dating site was a lying/abusive/toxic man.

I was sent the post by a friend. When I saw his picture - one from the monography session I paid for no less - I was sickened. I shared my story of his horrible behavior and through other women on the site, I became aware of his web of lies and cheating.

44,000 women are on that subreddit and they all saw this.

Not willing to believe Ben was this awful, I looked around to try to find the truth where I could. I wanted to believe he wasn't a terrible person. I called the realtor who Ben said he had set up the sublet of his condo in Dec 2021 as we moved west. I pretended to be a potential client looking for a condo sublet. She told me she doesn't do sublets. Ever.

I casually mentioned we had a mutual friend in common, Ben. She said she hadn't spoken to Ben in years. Not since Brenda had died years before in the summer of 2020.

Wait, what?

Ben is an unkind man and uses his hapless manchild victim garb to dupe people. It is my honestly-held belief based on the evidence shown in the preceding 27 pages that Ben is fully awarre of the dangerous and cruel nature of his behaviour.

June 6/2022 Monography Studio

(I have time stamped link for timeline proof)

When Ben ghosted me, I'd be lying if i said there wasn't some weird relief. I felt like he was draining my life force with his low energy that randomly alternated with anger, and the constant tending to his emotionally endless needs and yawning insecurities. He said I was smarter and had a more interesting life and would eventually grow bored of him. Yet even in the early days I had times when I thought I should leave, due to his neediness, anger and apathy but I could never abandon someone who had been so abused by seemingly everyone in his life.

If I had only known that this was theatre designed to manipulate me. His weaponized victim status was used to focus me on helping him and not see the ever mounting.evidence that he was, in fact, a villain not a victim.

He claimed to be so grateful for my help but thanked me by potentially exposing me to disease via tricking multiple women into unprotected sex, and likely giving me Covid when I worked so hard to avoid it due to my Lupus, by ghosting me, by never speaking to me again and by leaving me with no place to live .

Let's go out on someone Ben claimed to like to make himself seem sensitive when he's probably the exact kind of monster she was talking about.

Ben, you can't rely on our shame to keep your secrets anymore.

Women have a right to respond to your abuse -

and to warn women away from you.

This is Ben’s response when I sent out the above document on what was his wedding night in Korea